The Emmys, woo-hoo

I'm only watching the Emmys because I'm by myself and have nothing else to do. But I might as well blog about them, right?

"Emmy Idol" is one of the dumbest ideas ever. Donald Trump and Megan Mulally singing the Green Acres theme?

Who voted for Brad Garrett for best supporting actor? Talking funny and mugging for the camera does not constitute acting.

I can't believe Hugh Jackman beat Jon Stewart for best performance in a variety whatchamacallit. So there is justice in the world. I of course didn't watch the Tony Awards. No one actually watched the Tony Awards. But the clip of Jackman they showed was quite effective, and no, it's not because he was pelvic thrusting. Well, not just because of that.

Yay, Paul Newman wasn't there, so no speech. He can't call the troops home from Iraq, like Blythe Danner.

OK, now it's Fame, sung by the "famously charming" someone I've never heard of, star of a show I've never seen. I give her a B- for the singing, a C- for the dancing. Shouldn't we have had some legitimately Debbie Allen choreography?

And now the categories they don't even see fit to do live. Bobby Cannavale won for yet another lamely ill-fated boyfriend of Will on Will & Grace, and Katherine Joosten won for Desperate Housewives. They at least get to give an award, but it's one that no one cares about. How cruel. And what do you know? Bobby Cannavale's deadpan voice wasn't his character's. He actually talks that way. He can barely read. He's like Shepard Smith on barbiturates. And while Katherine Joosten certainly was good, Harriet Sansom Harris was brilliant, and she wasn't even nominated.

And now they get to do another award no one cares about, except that The Daily Show team won, and Jon Stewart was gracious and funny and (why does no one ever point this out) handsome?

Please, anyone but Doris Roberts for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. And the Emmy goes to . . . Doris Freakin' Roberts. Lisa Kudrow never won, but Doris Roberts has won four. Go figure. And her competition was spectular. I mean, Holland Taylor! Conchata Ferrell! Those are some seriously good actresses. Doris Roberts is not fit to be in the same room with them.

David Letterman reads, badly, a fine tribute to the late Johnny Carson. This is one of the reasons award shows are so unwatchable. Mr Letterman is a talented man, but he is not a good reader. Morgan Freeman would have made this an affecting memorial. But we have to have Mr Letterman read it, because he's in the same line of work. Terri Hatcher is a marvelous comic actress, but her one-liner fell flat, because she's not a comic. But we had to have her, because she's in the same line of work as the people getting the awards. If we had the witty banter delivered by witty banterers and the affecting tributes delivered by affecting tributers, there would at least be some integrity to the show. As it is, these things are like bad high school revues.